Herald Square, 2007.
From fall 2006-fall 2007 i had an incredibly stressful job based in Herald Square. It was stressful because the office politics had gotten out of hand. My co-workers and I had a very unhealthy relationship; there were upsetting gender roles, passive-aggressive emails, power struggles, issues of respect for each others’ strengths, and on top of that I was dating one of them on the sly. A terrible combination of things.
One day I was sitting in the little area of tables and chairs by the Macy’s flagship store, and I was crying. One of my co-workers had just taken me outside to tell me that I was being a bitch and that others agreed with him and that I was being condescending to his ally, the project manager. I shouldn’t have started crying, but I did, and he suddenly felt bad and left me there.
A few minutes later, a very friendly and sweet black girl came and sat next to me and asked me why I was crying. She told me she worked at Banana Republic and was on her break.
She eventually told me to cheer up and not let the bad guys see me crying, that they were the ones who had problems and that it sounded to her like they were dating or something. But early on in our exchange she said, “So… are you Chinese? Japanese?”
Yes, Chinese.
Then, “So… you live in Flushing?”
I know I gave her a look then, but I was feeling too vulnerable to be very annoyed. I was really glad that she was talking to me and trying to be comforting. But I hope she doesn’t ask all Chinese people that as a rule. Yes, there are a lot of Chinese people and a large Chinatown in Flushing but not all Chinese people in New York live there!
Filed under: Uncategorized | 6 Comments
Tags: chinese, conversations, flushing, herald square, japanese, strangers
And if you had to guess where she lived? …
i wouldn’t have pinned her to a specific neighborhood and would never have tried to guess outright. i probably would guess one of the outer boroughs, because if she lived in manhattan she probably wouldn’t have to work at banana republic. my guess wouldn’t have much to do with race at all.
i really just find this encounter funny because it’s so antiquated to assume where people live based on their ethnicity or other defining trait, and it’s a bit laughable that someone would do that earnestly. would you ever ask a gay man, “so, you live in chelsea?” or a russian person, “hey, do you live in brighton beach?” that’s just rude.
Some of it is antiquated, but some of it is an educated guess. You’re not talking about small rises in chances there.
If you saw a Hasidic Jew walking down the street, you’ll assume he lives in one of a few Brooklyn neighborhoods. And that’s ok.
it is ok to assume that a hasidic jew lives in particular neighborhoods in brooklyn because their community is totally isolated by choice. so yes, that is one time when it is ok to make an assumption about where someone lives. but i really don’t think the chinese community in ny is comparable to the hasidic community.
i don’t think assuming that i live in flushing is at all an educated guess. this may be an east coast/west coast issue. i grew up in a place where asians have built their lives for generations, speak fluent english, hold positions of power, are very integrated in the culture. then i move to the east coast and people can’t tell that i’m american, even after talking to me, and this is terribly disappointing. my west coast friends (and a fair amount of my east coast ones) are all shocked when i tell them my stories. shocked because saying those sorts of things to people is totally not ok where we come from.
i appreciate your reading, but i feel you’re trying to insinuate that i’m being too sensitive and maybe it’s because you can’t relate. i’m going to keep standing by the opinions i share here, because the things strangers said to me all the time in new york were legitimately upsetting, and i’m pretty sure i’m not the only chinese american who thinks so.
I’d be curious what the girl would have said if one were Japanese: ‘So you live in midtown east in the 40s? Or St. Marks?’ It’s a silly thing to broach, regardless.
I think you’ve just had an awful number of odd situations like that; and maybe that’s made you a little more sensitive to it (making my distinction there).
Knowing you, and given that you write how even your east coast friends are shocked, I’d think you would think your experience isn’t the norm – but you don’t, given your generalization about the east coast.
This is NY, it’s as diverse as anywhere in the country (or others), and clearly not everyone’s off the boat, including in the ‘burbs, which despite many years in the city, I’ve still spent most of my time. Anecdotally, none of my friends have ever gotten anything like what you have when I’ve been out with them (yup, I know it makes a difference), outside of one mouthy Indian who had to tone down some after 9/11; but I get most stories of things like this from them and they just don’t come close to matching the raw number you’ve given.
Kinda odd that you’ve already gotten the same questions in Hong Kong.
As for the self-segregation of the Hasidics, it exists all over, even if it’s not on the same scale.